pain pain go away...

...come back another day. when i'm not ready to rent a hummer, drive to your apartment, wait for you outside for days at a time, waiting for you to step out off the curb, then run you down like a fraking speed bump in the road :: a speed bump of indifference, inconsideration, frustration, flightiness, vagueness, frakness...

i hate you

yet i hate that i hate you

i love

closing my eyes and 

forgetting what 

you've done

where are you now? 

alone - with th'other

which which

get off the sidewalk. my hummer won't fit between the fence and the trees.  get your ass onto the two-lane byway and under my tires.  your face lace delicate grace will writhe and distort like my heart pain pull taut.

come i'm waving flagging you down.  don't wait.  this is the best part. your heart open and flat like a steak tendered with a mallet.  a gigantic hummer-sized mallet.  shiny black.  it heats up quickly.  like the pavement.  cooking you like a fried egg.  scrabbled you on the road. under my tires.

i hate you

yet i hate that i hate myself more

i have no control

you fuel my angry and my desire

do you even remember? do you know?

how do i let you know?  do i write it here--do you know i exist interwebbly?--do i key it into your forehead horrid pleather plaid pantsuit.  spiral down down under my hummer.  run you over.

up i drive into the sky chase you down from your nirvana. nebula novem.  under my undercarriage.  finally.

"fantastic" ?  i hate it

i hate you

frak

why do i bother.  you all know me.  this isn't right.

i need a new life.

interwebbing is not the place for this.  neither is thumbing my thoughts.

find me.  come and talk.

find me.  i'm outside.

...waiting in my hummer.

hic extraneus sum