a day in my life...

another day. i wake...underslept again.

refusing the day, i hide under the cover of pillows and arms. i willn't face the day.

but i know i must.

frak.

the shower will wake me. frigidly.

success...

i hover around the flat hoping to not wake my mates; they like their sleep more than they do morning discussions about goings-on of the day. they hate me this early. awesome dynamic - and wouldn't change it for the werld. pretty.

what to wear...

a shirt.

a button-up shirt.

a black button-up shirt.

a striped black button-up shirt

and jeans.
that'll do.

out the door, i walk knowing i should run. the werld moves too quickly under my feet....i try to keep up.

i watch the people come and go--to and fro--on the metro.
--going though the motions--
where do i fit in? do they see me as i see them? another face in this place

up into the jungle i climb from the underbelly of the city. the darkness now having given way to light. a haze really. still, it burns.

i squint.
sight or shade? perscription dilemma.
i choose to hide behind lenses malequiped for my needs.
people walk by--do i know them? i cannot recognise with these sunglasses.
i must seem rude.

why must i care? we don't all love me.

.c'est la vie

once arrived, i fight to learn without the tears pouring through, betraying my front.

i know this. i know this. i can do this. i am fine.

frak frak frak. so lost. what was that? where? who? how can i even pretend i can?

frak.

am strong...

/easy to type.overcompensating for weakness/

hours pass and i step back into the werld. the sun has fallen. with it the newly arrived heat. i bundle and walk. up through the masses - shoulders back and head high.



why not? i've done the head down thing. sucky.
i just end up walking into things.
serious.

up the old street (ironic) and against the current of people rushing to the tracks. everyone spends their days here.


no one lives here.
this is modernity.
.right

i turn right, into the village of colours. to what end, really. do i expect to enter the movie set of my life? i've always dreamt of the scene where we meet, you greet, i smile. cut to montage of awkward first dates/budding romance/fights/lights/months/years/for-everness...

all this in a few blocks.

my head spins.

i cringe.

where is my happy ending?

why do i think i have one coming?

do i accept the hand delt to me? or do i want a hit?

a hit feels good.

relaxing

badgood

the hour is nigh when back home will be i
head bobbing, i pass the people again
watching them finish their days
sitting standing leaning

this is my way home.



at least i turn the key and into the comfort of my home i fall.
now is time to talk with my family here. no blood. just tears, fears and all in between.
now is time for daily goings-on. i sit and listen/watch. i am there for them. only in my own sanctuary do i allow myself to be the real me.

qui suis-je

i like it. but at the same time it scares me.

no one should meet this. this is for me.

as the day turns over to tomorrow and becomes yesterday, i get lost in thought of what i did with my day--and what i should have/could have done.

i slip between the sheets and stare up at the crack in the ceiling. another few hours and maybe i will be asleep. only a few hours away from starting it all again.

anyone wanna change lives for a day?

hic extraneus es?