for pun's sake

my good friend tjaad sent me a number of really funny puns/punny funs for educated minds
i thought i would share:

the roundest knight at king arthur's round table was sir cumference. he acquired his size from too much pi.

i thought i saw an eye doctor on an alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical aleutian.

she was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

a rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

the butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

no matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

a dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

a grenade thrown into a kitchen in france would result in linoleum blownapart.

two silk worms had a race. they ended up in a tie.

time flies like an arrow. fruit flies like a banana.

a hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. the police are looking into it.

atheism is a non-prophet organization.

two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. one hat said to the other, "you stay here; i'll go on a head."

i wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. then it hit me.
a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "keep off the grass."

a small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. when his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "no change yet."

a chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

the short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

the man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

a backward poet writes inverse.

in democracy it's your vote that counts. in feudalism it's your count that votes.

when cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

don't join dangerous cults: practice safe sects!

hic extraneus sum