when wounds win

i have a friend
this friend is a bit of an odd guy. he's funny, but somewhat shy at first. vibrant but can be quiet. he takes his time to really get to know someone before he opens up to them. normal it would seem, but his hesitation to be himself has unfortunately impeded many good things for him in the past. things that could have made him very happy. my friend, you see.

i've seen my friend happy, but also sad. he usually smiles all the time. like all the time, both when happy and when sad. the happy smiles are bigger and brighter and make others smile. the sad smiles are empty though...like a mannequin in a store window. just a reflex to fit his sociocast role. my friend is "the friend" - his role you see. he is the one people talk to, the one people vent to, the one people to to to... and too rarely does he to to to them...

my friend has his wounds. they don't always show through from behind his smiles (happy and sad) which my friend likes. he prefers people not know he has wounds. the easy days are those when he is outgoing and has a day full of things to do, people to see and life to live... the hard days are those when the wounds win. the smile fails, epic really given its record of hiding things. these days my friend stays in the dark, in bed, for hours. he's told me you see.
after hours in bed, forced sleep and life-like dreams, he crawls out into his house and stumbles about. the wounds having won this battle.

but my friend is not ready to give up the fight
at least i hope

he re-analyzes the fight, his wounds, and why they hurt. he tells himself that they are only surface wounds are will heal quickly. this too shall pass.
my friend, though, apparently thinks that the deepest recesses of his heart and frayed heartstrings are on the surface.
poor friend, you will learn one day
i hope

i have a friend who has been hurt, whose wounds has since hurt him
and when wounds win his smile fades in and out
he's still funny and odd, but some days funnier than others.

high fives

hic extraneus sum