when i were/where i were

with a dog-sat dog with me in the back seat, my mind started to drift and wend round the recesses of my brain. i had forgotten so much.

and now remember.

i couldn't help wonder what events have brought me to where i am now

and to imagine what other events might have led me to a different place. where i were...

(i do love the subjective/conjuctive...)

going back to my early days--before i ever knew about interpreting, or about linguistics, or about anything past my smalltown ontario, i dreamt of being high. hold on - i mean flying high. in cockpits (another of those words that sound dirrty but aren't). i loved the image of pilotes in their uniforms walking through terminals and flying jet planes... clearly my love of a man in uniform has long roots.

about the time i started heading to the big(gish) city for hs i let my thoughts of piloting and planes change to thought of pilotes and milehighclubs... and, i started thinking more about my life after being young. georgraphy had always had a hold on me (i still draw maps and try to memorise random facts... once learning all the mexican states for fun on bet from friends. they had to pay up.) with teachers for parents, the thought of becoming a geo teacher wasn't too farfetch'd. oh, and of course my hs geo prof was gorgeous. first pilotes, then salt-and-pepper franco-ontarians... oh les souvernirs. right, well i realised that my parents were teachers and i weren't. i turned to anthro and archaeology. i loved the idea of discoring old civilisations and peoples and learning about their cultures, and languages. my friends even thought i would become an archaeologist - so much so that the valedictorian mentioned it in her speech! small school...

twasn't until my last year that i found a programme at uni that [i thought] fit the bill. this, however, was mislabelled and it was not a flattering fit. i don't like politics. needless to say, i changed. a few times. finally finding language.

i've since held my own in a number of posts, utilising the skills acquired and knowledge learnt - but always looking for a way to fit words in or something philological...

inthenedly i am here. months away from dropping the student from my signature and step out as a tru-biz interpreter. here's hoping my what-if-futures will help me later on. who knows: i may find myself in a cockpit, or before a map or globe, or at a dig site...

where i were... where i am.

i can't help but wonder what it was along the way, or what things were along the way that affected me such that i changed my path. sure, self-discovery is one thing, but were there people who inspired me? frightened me? taught me? showed me? why did i give up on one dream for another? is it fair to say that i gave up on them, or that they simply changed/morphed/became another? or are they really all part of the same dream? where would i be if.... if...

who would i see looking back at me

in the looking glass of me?

hic extraneus sum