i don't want this

this is always the same.
this has always been the same.

sure, ever.y once in a while something starts. a spark. but never does it catch; never is there flame.

repetition is only good in verse. and even then it can get, well, repetitive. overused. boring.
i don't want this.

i want that.
that, that i don't know. that i haven't known...at least not fully, nor in reciprocity.
i want that.
that, that will keep my happy, and not just for a flicker; for a wrinkle in time. but for eternity.

i want you.
where are you...

i want a script. someone to write out my play/my role/my character development. my drama/my interaction/my angst/my joy.

i want a love story. i want it to be true. i want it to be deep. not surface shit.
i'm tired of false starts. i'm tired of the nihil channel. what else is on.

where's that cute guy who always has the right line. the right everything.

where's my secondary character who i won't notice until the second or third season, but that everyone else knows i'm supposed to be with...

...or am i he? when will my protanogist see me?

frak.

i am an outsider here