i am...

...happy
not to jinx it, but things are going well. a few times out and still talking. good sign. still adorable as ever, and smart, and sexy and cute and furry and fun. looking forward to next week for more happy. walking and talking. and happying.

...sad
four weeks over. back to books. tests. not ready. not wanting to be ready. up late prepping (ironic word really). already missing the past four weeks. don't want them to stop, but time can't stand still. learnt so much; now gotta use it.

...older
yesterday was day o' me. i'm another year older and another year wiser (or so i'd have you believe). had cake, and more cake. good curry and conversation. the day before i also went out - see first tab... happy :)

...thinner
not really important, but my one jacket that didn't fit now does and i loves it. loves. it. but, the air traffic controllers don't wave their glow sticks anymore when i come down the road. bonus

...happy.
see first bullet. i like happy. i like him.

fever and cold

i'm le sick. had to stay home today [again] today. sucks le grand one. my neck is a bit stiff and my throat is sore (oh wait, how awesome is this. me, the linguist, i've been writing that i have a soar throat... apparently the reason it hurts so much is because it's flying out of my mouth... nice.)

i'm feeling better though. suggestions to stay chez moi were wise (which makes sense given whence they came) and i've enjoyed some home-made soup too. mmm.

now, i'm back to some readings for my own erudition and self-growth...or something fancyfance.

enjoy the day, the week, and holiday. it's thanksgiving. eat it up.

that and tomorrow is my birthday. bonne fête me!

and today makes two

two days since
amazingness
happy
hours and hours
grin laugh smile

what do i do now? i hate that i don't know the rules. are there even rules?

hic extraneus sum

les deux points et parenthèse de fermature

:)

je suis le content.



hic extraneus sum

nur stunden...

in 18 stunden könnte meine welt sich ändern.
er kommt. wir sprechen. der abend fängt an.
wir plaudern. ich trage das abendessen aus der küche
und essen... der film spielt.
ich weiß nicht genau was ihm sagen. "wie geht's?"

nur stunden und stehe er vor mir.
nur stunden

hier bin ich ausländer

...et les incertitudes me reprennent...

je suis content
je suis heureux
je suis ...

je ne suis
pas certain


que veulent-elles les incertitudes qui me pestent?
pourtant, ça ne me surprend pas trop que l'instant que
je me trouve même le moindre content, la sensation complète
d'insuffisance m'inonde...

ai-je vraiment la chance de qqch bonne?

hic felix sum?

a great day

see title.
i'm happy.
looking forward to soon again

happy

next day:
okay, whatever. i want to write more. yesterday i had such an amazing time out at lunch...and then a few hours of dateness. i'm still smiling. goin on a date with a cute boy is one thing. but having so much more than just a cute person looking back at you is sooo much better. smart (like i feel really awkward and out of my element almost he's good with numbers), funny, real, and down-to-earth, plus he can rock a great shirt.
what a day/date though. dim sum - yum. then walking, and buying a suit. he bought a suit. who buys a suit! but whatever, it was really fun. walking and more walking. talking and more talking. coffee, gelato, and more walking (and then favouriteness the handhold) yup, i'm that guy. swoon. (just thought of what if he finds this blog... what if he already reads it? meh, like two people do and i know both of you, so no worries there)
but i'm happy. eagerly looking forward to the next time our schedules cross.

a great day


hic extraneus sum

diumenge

ja som diumenge del segona/tercera setmana de novembre (depèn com consideres una setmana..). no me'l puc creure. on va el temps? déu n'hi dó! aher va ser un bon dia. llarg, per ò bo. a veure, tornem a divendres per una exlicació complete. vaig quedar-me amb un amic meu i hem parlat molt (feia molt de temps des de que no ens hem vist, dont calia informar-nos dels nostres). m'agrada quedar-me amb daam - és intel ·ligent, graci òs i maco. no obstant... el seu novi es va unir a nosaltres al fi de la nit. ja m'ha havia parlat d'ell, i m'esperava a un noi simpàtic, intel ·ligent i ben parlat - wow. la pesona qui va aparèixer era borratxa i parlant a veu alta. va demanar quatre begudes dins de 10 minutes...! la cambrera va parrar de servir-lo. ha!

bé, ahir vaig tenir una reunió al migdia... de tant i tant interessant, i tant nooo. després vaig sopar amb una amiga meva que no he vist fa dues setmanes. bé. i, a les 8 va començar una festa. he treballat. experiència interessant. entre el sopar i la festa m'ha trucat un noi amb qui parlo/txto fa un més (més o menys). què maco... m'ha demanat de dinar amb ell...

:-)

i bé, ara som avui. diumenge. la segona/tercera setmana de novembre. estic a ca meva, assegut al sofà escivint. nerviòs...en menys de tres hores haig de conèixer el noi.

getting over the him and falling for the me

i'm sure you're all getting/are tired of readin my sob story entries and attemps at prose and verse wherein i vent and spew and wryte about a nameless him. well, with this entry i hope to stop. time has passed and i've found myself capable of going days without even thinking of him.

of late, he's the one who contacted me... mind you it was in response to my message to him years ago [read days, but he takes his time, n'est-ce pas]. he wrote long-winded. i replyed in words. he continued. i tried to not. at long last - at least i think - he was contacting... that is, he was not simply replying to me. ha.

this may seem like a giant nothing to the many of you out there who read this (...sigh, many) but for this blogger it is a big thing. i've long wanted to be done with you. long wanted to wake and feel no more for you what i once felt/feel. there's no off switch, but there sure as hell is a dimmer. it works on a timer, a long-frakking-waiting-to-dim timer, but a timer nonetheless. it's dark in here. i like this darkness. die dunkelheit. hmmm.

new things have taken the place of sallowing wallowing. i've found me. as have others. who knew people would like me. in person. in verse. in pictures. who knew. admirers, futures friends, future dates, future. who knew? i'm liking this new feeling.

i'm like it muchly. though angst and woe are good fuel a heavy entry on a blog, a happy post makes the poster, ahem me, a happy gent.

out with the him
in with the me

in with the me

do you know me? would you fall for me? have you already fallen...


hic extraneus sum

hoy

jue
ves

el sol
la mañ
ana
me ha salud
ado

mis ojos pesad
os
se quieren
cerrar

me tengo
que ir
a
trabajar

ya
me voy
yendo

aunque
mi cama
mehace

falta




hic extraneus sum

wasting away in sleep

o slumber, how i've missed you.

i've spent everyday in bed this week past 10 a.m.. the day's plans cancelled or postponed. i feel a bit guilty for not getting too much done, but at the same time i love that can sleep and sleep and sleep. reminds me of my 23 hours of straight sleep back in uni.

i've had some interesting dreams, that's for sure. not sure if it's because i've stayed up so late, or because i've tried some interesting recipes these past few days and my stomach is going all dalí on me. once i dreamt some random lady in my apartment was there to sue me (b*tch) and i got so p-o'ed. but no, she was our guest along with the other people who just moved in next door... the next night i dreamt someone life was on show like a movie with all the formulaic components... and just now as i write i awoke from having someone telling me about their actions in a great war. i'm a pacifist (and not passive - whose meaning is very different when announcing to the world "i'm passive", also learnt that this week) so this dream was a bit b'wha. wonder if it has with novemberance day today.

sleep deprived - overslept. that's me.

hic extraneus sum

au jour d'hui

chez moi, assis, j'écoute les sons journaliers. ils sont familiers, nonobstant neufs. je ne me trouve pas trop souvent chez moi à midi. hier commençat-il la deuxième semaine de quatre de mon stage. normalement je suis ça et là en train d'observer ou bien de travailler moi-même... mais aujourd'hui, au jour d'aujourd'hui, je me trouve sans quoi à ce matin.

je sais écrire des minimes de mes frutrations, de mes tristesses, de mes douleurs.
mais je n'écris guère assez souvent des journées normales.

je me lève
je prépare le déjeuner
je lis
je réponds aux couriels
je prépare le repas pour ce soir (que ne vais pas savourer moi-même, mais mes colocs, oui)
je prends ma douche
je décide quoi me mettre (sweater et chemise, comme tjrs, mon uniforme)

là je suis prêt à sortir. je vais rencontrer une collègue. par la suite je descends à mon stage.
quelle journée.

au jour d'hui
je fais la répétition
au jour d'hui
je suis déprimé et content
au jour d'hui
j'écris de mes malheurs
et il n'y a que qq personnes qui s'en fichent...

hic extraneus sum

i have to laugh

i remember the expression - or at least i think i remember it being an expression
"i laugh so i won't cry" or something like that.

i've realised that i often find myself saying this. either to myself or to others. situations vary, but usally they're the shitty ones that make us hate whatever it is that we're doing - working, playing, trying to do neither... of late i've found myself stressing over my work and how clear i am, equivalent, properly message-ing, not mumbling, blah blah blah. and as such, i find my self just as often telling myself (and others for that matter) that i need to laugh, otherwise i'll cry.

when i first started saying this, i think it was in jest. ha ha, oh dav.e funny you are. how cute how migon. i'm too old for cute now i'm not so much mignon (..okay, i am a bit mignon)

but when the sht comes aflying, i get athinkin' about not just me, but also about the people who work with us. they're the ones who will need to laugh (and/or cry) when i frak up.

haha funny tear
tear funny
haha
funny ha tear
shinny



*i first wrote this about four nights ago, drunk and not all too sober otherwise neither. it was rife with mistakes and un-me-isms. i almost posted as was, but couldn't. i'm sure i've missed some things, but here you have it world.

let's laugh

hic extraneus rideo

happy beeday

to two of my friends, on your respective birthdays

happy birthday.

tonight was fun
good food
tasty wine
great conversation

happy birthday


hic extraneus sum

tell me me

if i had a day for me for you
would you spend it with me
it would be sunny but not hot
and not so bright we'd have to squint
just sunny enough. and clouds.

clouds enough to look up and see pictures
in the clouds
dragons and people and cars
and birds
fluffy

would you lie with me in the grass
but not lie to me in the grass
tell me me

would you walk with me for hours
until our feet hurt and we'd get a cup
coffee tea cider stout
and talk for hours more
tell me me

we would sing and song along
up and down
watch the people go by
and critique and criticize
good bad ugly fugly foo

a day together for us
hours to do nothing
or everything anything

sit and stand
walk with me
tell me me




hic extraneus sum